Poly life has been pretty awesome, besides waking up so damn early in the morning - like 7am - cos need to take public transport to school. haha. Classes have been interesting no doubt, the lessons we're undergoing as I've mentioned before in my previous post. and to be in a tutorial class with a crazy yet sane bunch of course mates, two of them ex EN's (enrolled nurses - attached to Tan Tock Seng Hospital) life in poly is fun =)
I can easily say that I am happy, despite the fact that I miss baby bubs alot. and am already getting nervous and stressed with upcoming assignments and exams which have not arrived yet. I guess poly life is kicking in and it's a mixture of all kinds of things. fun and whatsnot. haha. It's just that, am just nervous..I really don't wana fail. it's not that I'm thinking of failing but I guess, am just letting it get to me X) keep me in prayer okay people =)
Pictures. this is what you want right XD
Meet my (most of) new course mates! fun bunch =) [the only three male nursing students in our class - they're not sissy's ok, one of them wants to be an industrial nurse, and another wants to expand into other fields, if not mistaken aeronautic nurse ]
From left to right: Rajeswari (my class rep), Fieza (cute) and me.
Signs like this are all over poly -_-" and seriously yes, no joke, you can get lost inside school unbelievable, trust me. haha =)
We have over 900 freshmen nurses this year, so guess how many students Nanyang Poly has. I mean school ishuge okay. We have 4 canteens, the north canteen @ the School of Health Sciences (SHS) block, the south canteen @ the School of Engineering (SE) block and there's Koufu, the air-conditioned canteen, and last but not least, the fast food block where we have Macdonalds, Surf & Decker and some western food. haha. just look at the sign above.
...so be jealous -_-" and imagine how big Nanyang Poly is =) haha. anyways here are more pictures of what we do in class. particularly this week's nursing lab. huehuehue. so fun lah. but I think I need more practice. One hour wasn't enough. hopefully can get one of the labs for practice next week ^___^v den can have more fun. haha.
Asyiq XD Shahidah and Zana =) in our nursing lab class =)
[practicing putting on gloves, apron, surgery gowns and goggles the proper way! haha. then learning how to use the excillor thermometer, mercury thermometer and thermoscan, learning the way to put on needles and take a patient's heartbeat and pulse - TPR (temperature, pulse, respiration)]
Anyways will update more soon =) hehe. now I have to sleep. gotta go church tomoro morning, or maybe might go for the afternoon service. hehe. goodnight everyone. *big hugs* xoxo.
Did I tell you I've been busy? Okay I bet all of you are looking out for update from me, right? I've been in Singapore for almost 2 weeks now. I've pretty much settled in and one week has already flown by so fast. I'll be going into my second week in 2 days.
As some of you know, am taking up the Diploma in Nursing course. I've another 3 years to study and then be bonded to work at the Tan Tock Seng Hospital for 6 years. Though it may seem like a lifetime long time but am ready for it, my future's set to go. It's a stable career and noble job too. I just pray God will give me the strength and courage to carry on though -_-" cos it surely ain't gonna be easy.
I'm currently taking up seriously cool subjects like Sociology,Critical Thinking,Biological Science (which is a mixture of biology and chemistry all in one thick book!), Physiology, and Foundation in Nursing. which is all cool shit. I've bought one text book already =) it cost me SGD$ 53, damn expensive lor. I've got another 4 more to go -_-" huhu.
Anyway this is a bit of how my apartment looks like =) have not posted up anything since I came so this just a bit of what it looks like. most of my pictures are posted up on Facebook as it's way faster than updating here (Khalid's laptop always jamming up on me -_-")
my new pillows =) and bedsheet. [cos the ones they gave us were pretty lousy -_-" we had stiff necks the first 3 days. yes it's that bad okay =.="] nice not the bedsheet? nice right? so colourful ^___^v
my study table combined with Ervina's =) mine's the one with my towel..hehe. I got Pringles..still not open yet, haha.
Our living room (all the chairs are passed down from seniors) TV, which doesn't work cos have to rent, 1 year SGD$113 -________-" but no time to watch also. haha.
The kitchen. provided are the washing machine, cookery stuff; stove, gas, rice cooker and electrical flask ^__^v we had to buy bamboo sticks to hang our clothes -_-" cos here not Kuching lah.
So, pretty much most of the things were provided. however, when we first moved in, the house was filthy dirty lor. I had to mop the place 3-4 times! yes it was that dusty plus construction that's happening just outside our block -_-" but overall living conditions are still good, and I'm happy! We're living on the first floor..so no scenery like the ones I had before. sad :(
p/s: I think I've put on weight -_-" I've been eating 5-6 meals a day! but eating in school. cos school food divde by 2 outside food. way cheaper! =) hrmm..eating habits may be like what Mum said, I'm in and out of classes..using my brain and all, and it's air conditioned. so yeah. but I like! :) hehe.
Basically, am doing alright. The first week was kinda tough for me..am still getting used to not have baby bubs around. but I'm doing much better now though still not fully used to having my single life back -_-" missing heralot alotalotalot. and I can say honestly that I think of her everyday, all the time. hopefully will be able to have her here next month :S
Other than that, I've been pretty much doing alright. will update soon yeaps. but if you guys can't wait for my updates and are dying for photos, you can head over to my facebook to see most of my new classmates. *click here* okay then. nights everyone. catch you soon ok?
I've been really busy these past few days and blogging is definately not one of the reasons. Haha, unlike before when I had nothing to do..just look after baby bubs, sit in front of the lappy and watch tv doing nothing. haha. am now in the school's library waiting for my next class at 4pm. damn sien lor.
Orientation was on Friday as some of you know. it was alright but kinda sucked at the same time as I and the other 8 Sarawakian girls were not able to paricipate in the games. since we were not finished with our registration. but other than that it was alright. There was this wonderfully nice young man, name Faizal and he practically ran up and down campus just to help us settle with our registration and classes. It was awefully kind of him to help.
Elif came down on Saturday for a weekend all expense paid trip =) it was really fun having him around, if only Louis could have come along as well den I bet it would have been a bomb! haha. We brought him to Sentosa to have a look see and to the beaches. Them both Elif and Denise were too tired to do anything fun packed so we took a more peaceful option which was to the Underwater World and the Dolphin Lagoon. It was quite fun.
The weather was so freaking hot man! and humid too. I miss Kuching rain already. when evenings would be so windy and breezy. here its one freaking oven! -_-" sweating all over, the walk down Siloso Beach was a torture! and unfortunately for us, it was a Sunday so...yes, noisy talking Filipino Maid's accompanied by either their Ang Moh scandals or Bangladeshi boyfriend's and hot humid weather do not go well with me. I got pretty annoyed =.=" and irritated. but overall it was a good trip =) hope to have Elif down Singapore some time soon. haha.
Afterwards, in the evening I took the bus down to Johor Bahru to deposit some cash for Mum, as baby bub's milk was about to finish that evening. The new JB custom is so damn far now lor. but it definitely looks better than the old one XD haha. I mean seriously way way nicer lor. and it's a direct link to City Square. no need walk across the old dirty road. hehe.
After walking around a bit, quickly hurried back to Singapore to meet up with Khalid for a while and then meet up with Denise and Eliffor dinner. but they came by late so ended up having dinner with Khalid instead. Helped ourselves to Subway's =) gosh I miss Subways! hehe.
I'll upload pictures soon in my next post.
I forgot to bring the cable today.
p/s: timing for my classes today kinda sucks. had one early this morning at 9am (lecture) and then now have to wait till 4pm (tutorial) for my next class -__-" damn bored lor. thank God got free computer. haha.
Well, gotta go now. Gonna go read up some books that were recommended by the lecturer this morning. After this morning's lecture, Nursing doesn't look that easy anymore. not to say it was easy to begin with but am just getting nervous. hopefully by God's grace and a whole lot of studying, I'll pass with aGPA of 3.5 and above!Failing --> NOT AN OPTION =.="
On another note. I miss this little one. Sorry video senget ok? =) and also quality not so good. since I took it with my phone. but anyhow, ENJOY ^___^v
Hello to everyone who reads my blog. I miss everyone! =) have you all missed me? sorry for not being able to update for a long time. since I was kinda busy and did not have any opportunities to go online, am now also using my friends laptop to update you all. will give a quick update on things iyeah ^____^v
Monday : arrival in Singapore, and brought straight away to our new apartment. We're staying somewhere in Ang Mo Kio area near our school, Nanyang Polytechnic. We also were given a tour around our school. real big and I bet school is gonna be fun! =)
Tuesday : woke up early to get our medical check up done. it was fun to have it done with 8 other girls..hehe =) I really enjoyed myself. like seriously lor. haha.
Wednesday : Orientation at National University Hospital and meeting with our sister senior nurses. They were really nice to us and really sincere unlike certain places. hehe.
Thursday : Woke up at 7am and off to ICA to have our student passes done. Then headed down to a nearby bank to open our bank accounts =) and have our allowances banked in for us! so now got money dy. haha. but still broke lah.
Friday (tomoro) : gonna be going for our orientation in school. gotta wake up like so damn early lor. but I'm sure things would be great. and all.
Anyways gotta go now. Friend wana go dating online ^_____^v will update soon with pictures! I promise okay, all my love hugs and kisses to all. mMuahz.
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are." 8:12 PM
[Quote of the day : My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. - Elaine Maxwell]
[this is a queued post]
I don’t think I’ll actually have the time to post anything up on the actual day I’m leaving so I’m doing everything in advance, hrmm right now at this very time and moment. I should be on the plane, already heading for Singapore. argh. I should be homesick already :'(
Mummy’s so gonna miss you Shiloh. You’re the love of my life. My strength. My happiness. my pride and joy. The one who warms my bed. and all that matters right now, is you, me and our future together. I promise, I’ll make it good for you and me. I’m missing you already.
I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you!
I hope you’ll always know that. and hold that firm in your heart. no matter how far I am.away.from.you.
I love you baby bubs! make sure you miss mummy too.
Quote of the day: My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. - Elaine Maxwell.
What have I been doing? I have been busy meeting up with people =) it makes me happy to know I still have friends who actually care. the ones I have just made, (you guys know who you are! thak you so much for everything! I appreciate it. thank you for making me happy and for being such a blessing in my life!) and the ones whom I had worked with before at Padini. (for always encouraging me, and for being such awesome colleugues! like I never met before!) but still it also makes me sad to know I'm leaving.
Anyway since I have been blogging about my journey, I have yet to blog about my life at the moment. Life has been pretty busy this week. going out almost every night. wither to have dinner with my family or out to meet friends. and then to meet someone at night. haha. someone secret! -_-" I'm kidding.
Night activities this week were: Monday: Home. Tuesday: Home. Wednesday: Pizza Hut - with my family. Thursday: Bing! 101 with Tim, Ting, Evey, Yien and Steve. Friday: KFC - with ex colleugues! Saturday: Causeway Bay - cheese bake rice! (yummy) Sunday: Dinner with Grandparents.
Well before I forget. these are some of baby bubs photos when she was weeee younger! =) I gotta go sleep now. I just finished packing. I still got some more clothes to pack and a whole lot of shoes -_-" the akibat of shopping to much. see now how? haha.
she was asleep smiling. cute right. hehe.
Oh. I'm so gonna miss her!! ='( saying goodbye is going to be hard.
Quote of the day: Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. - Corita Kent
Labour.
It's 3:42am and here I am blogging about my labour. some of you may think it's ridiculous but I don't want to loose my pinch on things. I would have to apologise if I do not have pictures to show you how my labour went but I will try to express it the best I can. I will also show to you a few photos I googled to give you an image of what it was like. I hope that will be enough =)
We had already moved out of Bukit Harapan for about 2 weeks back. and things had been going pretty smoothly. It was really hot back home, and me being pregnant and all, did not help one bit. Imagine a really HOTT day, and I'm feeling double your heat wave! so because the aunt whom mum and I were renting with frequented Sutera Harbour, I would also tag along and spend most of my days at the Prayer House @ Sutera Harbour, just spending time with God and resting in His presence.
19.05.08 - Signs that SHE'S COMING! On this very day, I somehow thought to myself. since the due date for me was on the 21.05.08, I told my mum, "Why not we go out jalan jalan before the baby comes den I'd be stuck at home for good already." so Mum agreed and the aunt whom we rented with dropped us off as she needed to run some errands as well.
We had just been dropped off at Warisan Square, when Mum suddenly asked me. "Why not we have lunch first and then go walking around." I was hesitant as I was quite restless. but then agreed since I was also feeling kinda hungry. We had Dim Sum @ The Royal Palace - if I'm not mistaken (name so glamour! haha) and soon after we paid the bill as we were just resting there. I thought maybe I'd head to the toilet to check my "erhemm" and guess what! there was blood show - sign of the baby coming, something like period stains!
Anyway, we quickly called my aunt whom we were renting with and she came to pick Mum and I up from Warisan Square. and headed to the Women's General Hospital. There I was admited and check "thoroughly" if you know what I mean. and the feeling. NOT NICE AT ALL -_-" very awkward cos it was a guy doctor, and he was not at all good looking so that made things worse. haha. I'm kidding. but yeah the situation was really awkward. I did try my best to not think anything..lol ("_ )
Well, my whole day there was spent doing nothing much except having constant check ups for blood pressure, baby's heart beat and later on in the evening, going for a tummy scan. They almost allowed me to go home but before that, they sent me for another scan. and soon afterwards, the doctor came to tell me that I couldn't be discharged and that if I were nt to give birth by the next day, I had to be induced.
I WAS FREAKED OUT and FRIGHTENED! -___-" I did not want to be induced! or have anything like that!
I prayed and prayed and prayed! I didn't want to have any complications!! since the ward was only open to visitors until like 7pm, so I was left there in the ward with 5 other women who would also be going into labour. and Mum had to wait outside the ward. All women there had sever problems;
Her water had already broke but the baby was not able to come yet, and she was checked constantly cos since her water had already broke it was easy for her to get infections -_-" scary!
She was only in her early 7month but she had some medical issues like blood pressure and diabetes so she had to have a caesarean and have the premature baby (she was moved to the ICU afterwards.
She was pregnant with her 7th child, it was her first time giving birth in the hospital. before this all her kids were born with a midwife back in her kampung. she had already been in the hospital for about a week. and she was bored. The reason she was admitted was cos it was something to do with her spine. and it might affect her labour later on. She was discharged the same day I was but still heavily pregnant.
She was overdued by 3 days and was induced for labour after I had given birth. (she lgave birth after I did. and later had a bit of problem breast feeding her baby boy..nipple too hard I think. kesian the baby, crying alot lor.)
She was near her due date but the baby had not turned yet. upside down baby. and if the baby was not to turn within that day or the next, she would have to go for caesarean :(
20.05.08 - SHE'S COMING! So you guys can feel how nervous I was. I mean hearing of all these problems I myself did not want to go through any of them. I kept pryaing silently in my heart. that night contraction pains came on and off. it got quite bad but I thought it was normal. but at around 4am it came to a point where I couldn't take it (I had actually stopped myself from calling the nurse earlier on - cos shy, and scared they scold. The nurse garang wei -_-") I pressed the button and soon the nurse came in.
Nurse: *walking in* Kenapa? Me: Erm..dah rase sakit -_-" Nurse: Hrmm..ok, tunggu. Me: *nods head - shivering cos aircon damn cold!* Nurse: Tunggu saya check *puts on latex gloves, and pulls curtains close - she starts checking my vajay-jay* Me: *feels water breaking* Nurse: Kamu sudah 5cm buka *cleans up* Me: Oh sekarang nak masuk ward? Nurse *nods head and walks away briefly* Me: *feeling so excited but nervous at the same time*
And with that I was brought to the labour ward which was in another side. around 5am, settled in and all. more private. It was as though I paid first class cos there..each and every woman got her own labour room. Damn nice wei! if got another baby sure must go there again x)
It was damn cold. and I was shivering as I was moved from the bed to the trolley - dunno its proper name - and with me shivering, it put a smile on the nurses face. haha. I felt kinda angry but she was kind enough to get me a blanket. The service in KK is so much better than the ones in Kuching I tell you. Nurses were so kind. though a bit garang ^__^v the whole building air conditioned some more.
When I was in the labour ward, after they had me prep and ready, thatw as around 6++am I was left just waiting. I was seriously so blur about everything. I got bored and it came to a point where I asked the nurse some questions;
Me: Nurse, sekarang kami tunggu siapa? Tunggu doctor? Nurse: Erm, tak sekarang ni tunngu kamu buka dulu. Me: Buka? Buke ape? Nurse: Buka kat bawah tu. Mesti tunggu kamu buka 10cm baru boleh kamu beranak. Kalau tak, nanti koyak lagi susah. sabar kay, tunggu saje. Me: Oh..berape lama nak tunggu sampai buka 10cm tu? Nurse: Ini anak pertama? Me: *nods head* Nurse: 1 cm 1 jam Me: Oh okay *looks away in disbelief, wth?! *
The contraction pains soon came. and off I was groaning and moaning - not that kind of moan and groan* okay. Well it did sound like that but in a more painful way - I think. Haha. anyway contraction pains are somewhat similar to period pains but in an exaggerated way. it was yes, PAINFUL. I mean the pain was not during the time I was giving birth. The pain was due to the contractions.Every 5mins, one comes along -_-" somewhere there.
I "patiently" groaned and moaned through the in and out contractions. and when it got too painful, I sorta shouted/screamed into the pillow. I was also given this oxygen mask to breathe, it was sorta to help me breathe with ease and reduce the contraction pains.
...after an hour of pain, I was already 8cm opened in diameter (thank God no need wait 1 hour = 1cm, just for the vajay-jay to open. I was blessed. 1 hour = 2cm) and baby was pushing her way out (tak sabar sabar nak keluar!) -_-" doctor came and check but she said the vagina wasn't opened at its full length to have the baby.
I again waited patiently and THANK GOD. in just 30mins I was opened full length to receive baby bubs who was already so inpatient! haha. I heaved and pushed and you know what. I didn't know that it is only when the contraction comes that you push ??? yeah.
p/s: those of you whoa re afraid of blood..please dont look -_-" I dont want you fainting in front of your computer/lappy.haha.
Well having her looks something like this. This is a picture from a caesarean birth but the blood you guys see..is about the same amount of blood, I saw
...at one point of my delivery, I gave up pushing and I said I couldn't push anymore! but thanks to the nurses, they kept encouraging me to go on. They kept telling me not to give up and after each and every push, they told what a good job I had done.
(I had manage to push until the tip of her head was out)...one of the nurses moved my hand to touch her head and soon after another 15mins, baby bubs was out! touching her head really gave me strength to push! =) and surprisingly I gave birth within half an hour of pushing. I heard that some who have their first born would take from 12hours - 24hours!!! yeah imagine all the pain those women who had labour like that would have to go through!! -____-"
anyway as soon as I delivered her, they did not need to spank her cos she straight away went like,"eh". and the nurse who held her was giggling away. after they had put her on my breast to suckle, the nurse told me that they had never have a baby go "eh" before. haha =)
after being left with me for a while, they made me repeat her gender (I almost mistook her for a boy -_-" cos I was so exhausted!) and took her away to be washed and dressed.I then rested with her for about 6 hours before they wheeled us out to the women's ward.
To summarise my feelings : Enticipating,Excited, Exhausting, Exhilirating.
I was discharged that evening and soon would spend my days at home feeling HOT and being HOT and doing nothing. but that's in the next post :) haha.
Okay pregnancy and labour and confinement. This is gonna be kinda long to tell. I'll separate it into different parts then. Haha. This is going to be good. It's the juiciest part I think but hopefully I'll be able to describe everything properly. okay here goes =)
btw, like my new blog layout? I accidentally deleted my previous layout -_-" was so pissed but this one is nice as well. right?
My Pregnancy.
Overall I can say that my pregnancy went really really smoothly without any hiccups throughout my whole nine "yards". and I really have God to thank for His mercy and grace covering me. I did not go through any morning sickness, no vomitting, no dizzy feelings, nothing. besides maybe getting tired easily in my later months.
I mean throughout my first and second trimester, I had not been looking after myself very well. and only when I was in my third trimester that I started buying "mummy books", and that's where I found out, it's in the early stages of pregnancy that one has to really really look after herself. or else you'd have a very sickly baby to look after! -_-" wow.
...and I had not done that at all. I mean during my first 5 months, due to the job I was having. here are some of how things were during my first trimester of my pregnancy.
I did not have regular meals - cos I wake up at like 3pm, wash up and get ready for work. skip breakfast (duh!) but sometimes I'd have a small snack (like koko crunch, and milk) and by 5pm I'd already working up till 2am or 3am in the morning. all I'd have is my dinner, and after work. maybe cup noodles and a drink -_-" not good right. but but but I must have at least 2 ice creams a day from Mac's ; may it be McFlurry, or the Sundae, or the Cone. haha.
I did not sleep at regular times - like I said due to the job I was having at that time. I was working in a bar, and the work times were from 5pm - 2am or 3am, and by the time we waited for our transport, and reached home, it'd be already about 4am or 5am. crazy right -_-"
I did quite a of of heavy work - like when we first open up the bar, I would have to bring down all the smaller sized sofas (which were quite heavy) and after work, I'd have to carry up all the smaller sofas again, and then sweep and mop up the place.
I did not take vitamins - cos at I was really new at this, we never went for any more medical check ups after the one with the Christian doctor. so yeah, no prescription or whatsoever. I only started taking vitamins when I was like er..6months pregnant? lol.
Well looking at the little one, I'm sure all of you must think that I went through a very happy wappy pregnancy, right? cos baby bubs is such a doll and a happy one in fact. but the truth is that, I was crying my eyeballs out basically EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY (from when I was 6months - 8months) seriously serious. even Mum did not know what to do. and the constant phone calls from Khalid did not do much help as well (yes, he called me at least once or twice every single day - sweet right!) but I was too distraught. too confused.
I mean I was only turning 21 that year, and already having to give birth the month after that, I myself still could not believe what was happening. emotions were like a tornado. and every now and then I would break down in tears. it wasn't a pretty sight I tell you.watch chinese drama also can cry for no reason..it's so this --->=.=" I would feel so emotionally distressed like nobody's business. I couldn't cope. with anything. big or small. and I was a mess. now looking back also I shake head. haha. hrmm -_-"
...but through it all, Mum was there constantly encouraging me to go on, to read the Word of God. to start spending time with Him. (I don't know what I would have done without her support and love for me! I love you, Ma!!) and God was always there for me. never letting me go. I started reading my bible regularly. and from there things started getting better. I found my peace.
I started concentrating more on other things. I started making bookmarks with written bible verses and gave them to all the social workers there. I started going out of the room more often, than usual just to take evening strolls..and there I saw this female cat who was also pregnant..hehe. I started accepting. digesting everything that was happening. and there my 8th month til my labour was so much better.
I went for my usual gynaecologist check up's every 2 weeks..HERE (no pictures though) and at times, it really made me nervous to see how baby was doing for the first time, I went to a private clinic to get my check up's done but after a while I also went for the government clinic (KK's government Women's Hospital is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ONE IN KUCHING!!! If I were to have another child in Malaysia, I'd go back to Sabah! cos their government hospital is like 1st class, eventhough you're paying 3rd class! haha XD )
Well at the private clinic, Sabah Medical Centre the doctor told me a lot of stuff..certain times it was that there was not enough water surrounding the baby and all, and that if this continues, I might just have to go for a caesarean section! SCARY WEI. and then the next time I went, they said I had to be induced, and then the doctor who was "pua chai" indian mixed ang moh lah, he said to me. I was just pulling your leg. just want frighten you -_-" like HELLO!I got no feeling mei? wth. but he did mean it about the caesarean though. I was seriously scared. hrmm.
during one of the visits to the gynae while Khalid was in Kk for a visit.
...but in the end, I decided to give birth in the government hospital so we stop going to the private clinic. and somehow at the government clinic, they said everything was fine. with ma and baby bubs. though the baby seemed to be rather small. hrmm. yet things turned out okay in the end. and I guess overall like I said, my pregnancy was really smooth, without any hiccups.
Sometimes I still can't believe that I've already gone through so much. I'm still learning everyday. she still amazes me and takes my breath away every single time. and at other times, she's just like the baby panda in the video. surprising me everyday. with all the new quirks she's learning. haha.
...I'll be bloggin bout my labour in the next post. didn't expect my "pregnancy post" to be so long! haha. things happen unexpectedly =) so next up..labour. sorry no pictures ok? haha.
Hrmm now let me see, where do I start. Okay, I know where to start.
I did not tell anyone I was home. I mean when I first came back from Singapore. I was so ashamed and disappointed with myself. for a fact that I had let my family down. I felt as though I had no more dignity left.
Thoughts like: How stupid could I be.How could I have made this sort of mistake. What would people think of me now. How much shame have I put onto this family. and all the negative thoughts kept bombarding my mind. piercing my heart. I felt numb.
I did not know what to do, or where to go. all I felt like doing was just die. Everyday, I would just sit in front of the tellie and watch chinese drama series one after another. I can still even remember the sequence if you asked me now. okay, not all but maybe a little.
Life was pretty much boring. I was just pretty much spending time at home doing nothing but grow health mushrooms, and potatoes on the couch -_-" no one knew I was back until if am not mistaken one or two weeks later. I think the only person who knew about what had happened first, was Denise. that I myself am not sure when I told her. I told the other girls whom I trusted, at that time, a week or so after I told Denise. We girls managed to go out once or twice but that was it.
I was so getting bloated then -_-" face changing dy.
Well anyway after a two months being in Kuching, I decided to leave. I just felt so down that I didn't know what to do. I didn't feel like staying at home everyday. and I definitely was not ready to face the music(relatives and friends) I just thank God, an aunt of mine was kind enough to have opened her doors to me in KK, Sabah. when she found out about what had happened with me. She just offered for me to go over and also coincidentally her brother (my uncle ofcos) was getting married just about the same time.
If it had not been for her, I think I would have gone crazy in Kuching..doing absolutely nothing. and my mind filling with thoughts so negative like a tornado filled with chairs, tables, houses, cars, and all sorts of shit-_-" if you get wot I mean.
Well the decision to go over wasn't that easy as well. We were considering if I were to actually give birth there in Sabah or come back to Kuching to give birth. Cos if I were to go over, it wasn't confirmed that I was able to come back as I was already into the 6th or 7th month of my pregnancy. we almost forfeited the flight, oh..and btw the flight was paid by my aunt.
Anyway as soon as we got there, everything was close to perfect but as you all know , nothing is perfect in real life. soon, certain issues (like unable to go out on our own freely - had no transport & it was almost like prison at certain times - unable to go for night church meetings and etc) came up and despite having free food, free lodging, and almost everything else..so in the end mum and I decided to move in and rent with one of her church friend. She's really really nice! though kinda slow at times but super nice person.
There at her place, we had so much more freedomNOT THE CLUBBING KINDA FREEDOM OK, geez. so old also cannot think. no common sense. hypocrite. backstabbing biatch<---meant for someone. but the kind of freedom where you are able to move around freely, freedom to go to church services, freedom spend time and to worship God in His house. that kind of freedom silly!
After we moved out, we were always at the Prayer House @ Sutera Harbour. which was good as it was air conditioned! oh ya, SABAH WEATHER IS SUPER HOTT! and I got to go to Starbucks more often as we lived like 10mins away from town! and if I was not so heavily pregnant..I could have walked! ^__^v
....anyway, being in Sabah taught me alot. being there taught me to be more patient, to be always trusting in God (though I still have those times where I doubt Him -_-") in everything I do, and to know that He is always in control. He's never too late, never too early. always always just in time =)
okay now time to go. next post up. pregnancy and labour.
I'm kinda getting bored of my current blog. I might move. Was thinking Tumblr ^__^v it seems quite interesting. and different. I've already opened an account quite some time ago but I'll have to see about that though. (I've put alot of effort into this blog!)
Anyways am done with my passport. collected them this morning (mine and baby bubs') I'm pretty much settled with my agent fee. the $ $ $ Denise loaned me came through yesterday evening. so yeah. I'm pretty good to go! =)
I'm flying! SOON... I'm so gonna miss the little one!
I seriously don't know how I'd cope without her. She's been my strength all this while. The reason, I have been standing strong.. She's also been pretty attached to me recently. It's as though she can sense that I'm leaving.. I feel like crying now. Things are gonna be so different :'(
Picking up the phone to call mum and tell her I was pregnant wasn't easy (for those of you who don't know, my dad is my step-dad and he's a deaf person - meaning to say can't hear and can't talk - so I usually talk to my mum bout important stuff. and she makes the decisions)
♥ I loved and love her very much and to tell her that I had made the same mistake that she did, was heartbreaking. for me and for her. We had arguments before, where words like, "I will never be like you" or "I never want to be like you" come crashing out my mouth like waves without mercy, like arrows aimed straight for the heart. and here I was, making the very same mistake that she had made, 20 years ago. around almost the same time.
I remembered that day very clearly, Khalid and I were on our way to work. we had just gotten off the bus and it had just started to rain (yes, the scene quite dramatic I tell you..) and we had just had a really huge fight/argument/misunderstanding/whatever-you-wana-call-it..and that was the first time he had been so angry with me that he left me in the rain :'( and walked away. He had never walked away before and that was the first time. AND THE LAST (you do that next time I kill you -_-") but yeah the last time.
The topic of the argument, "our situation" we didn't know what to do. how to get through with it. and therefore, thus, thats why..our huge argument. anyways after a while standing in the rain, I thought I'd take the next bus home but being in that state of mine, I kinda got lost. though I knew the place quite well already.
I then walked to work (I was crying quietly with tears in my eyes) I approached one of my managers (assistant manager of Alley Bar) and asked him if I could borrow his phone. mine had just run out of top up and although I had already bought top up, I suddenly forgot how to top up my phone -_-" and he realise something was wrong and quickly asked me what was going on. and that was then when I told him I was pregnant.
It got to a place where all my manager's knew about it, and one by one came talking to me. especially my own manager. Mr.Mark Soh, I felt so disappointed with myself for disappointing him. he had place such high hopes on me :( cos he kept sighing over and over again.argh. I can still remember so well :'( sighs. but am okay now :)
I called my mum not long after that, and when she picked up the phone..I was sobbing profusely!! (I was already 4 1/2 months pregnant) she was so worried. She kept asking me what was wrong, and when I finally got my voice out. all I could say was "S O R R Y" over and over again. and nothing else. and then it hit her.that I was pregnant. and she went, "no no no no..sarah, no." then she started crying as well. I can't begin to tell you how my heart was breaking, and how overwhelmed I was with grief.
...at first Khalid had promised to tell his parents after I told mine, but he chickened out (they only found out when baby bubs was about 6 months old - too fucking late lor, ass!)
Anyway, mum immediately made plans to come over and help me clear up to go back to Kuching. as I could not give birth in Singapore cos it's damn expensive - deposit for foriegner is SGD10K I think -_-" and also cos I couldn't be caught pregnant under the work permit - if not, can get blacklisted! so I told my management that I had to quit (though all managers knew - not management - and were quietly supporting me) bcos of my dad falling ill - which was true, dad had just fallen ill, his tummy had been growing bigger and body turning yellow (we later found out he had liver tb :'|)
...soon, after everything was settled. off I was. leaving my life behind and everything as I knew was about to change. people who think they know me, do not know what I have been through. and do not know the whole story only until maybe now.they just made their assumptions out of one or two sentences they got from me. go figure.
I know everyone goes through shit, but it only depends on how you face things. I delt with things the best way I can. I may have my down times. but so does everyone else. some recover fast. but others just need a little more time. to digest the bits and pieces.
don't judge first. or you yourself be judge later on.
this ends this chapter. time to sleep. got a big day tomorrow..huhu. till my next one. coming back to Kch, and off to Sabah :)
We had been dating for about 3 months before we started sleeping with each other - I know it's a sin (and I have repented already) but I had my reasons then. so judge thee yourself before judging others! ok - and then in august just 3 months after that -___________________-" you know lah. *ta-daa*
well I had missed my period for the first month, we didn't think anything of it as it had happened to me before, so we waited til the second month and still. no.sign.of.the.red.dot! and then we decided to get the pregnancy test kit. Getting the kit was funny. This was roughly the conversation we had.
Me: Why don't you go in and get it while I wait outside. Him: No, why not you buy it since you're a girl. Me: What does being a girl have to do with anything? Him: Cos you can say you need it for your friend. Me: I don't think they'll even ask for a reason! Him: Okay, we go buy together. Me: (I've never done this before!) okay. Him: Why not we buy something else as well. den can cover up the kit. Me: They still have to scan it anyway -_-" Him: Oh. right. Heh.
We then hurried to the toilet in the mall near where we worked. and the results. POSITIVE. My immediate reaction, throw everything away! I didn't know what to think. I mean to be pregnant. in a foriegn country. at21 years old. not stable financially. with no plans at all. and with a history like mine (my mum was a single mum as well) it is such an embarrassment and disappointment. not only to myself but my family. and the worse part was knowing that you've disappointed everyone and crush all the dreams and hopes they have for you :'(
I still have not totally gotten over that fact yet, I'm still learning to forgive myself, everyday...
Well, we thought about aborting "it" since it was still very small. I know! an EVEN BIGGER SIN right? but there we so many things going on inside my head. I can't imagine what was going on inside Khalid's mind then but I'm sure he was in "panic mode" - with words, "stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, argh!" you know stuff like that -_-"
We talked about abortion, whether we wanted to keep it.whether we should tell our parents or keep things quiet. stuff like if we were to abort the baby, where would we abort the baby, whether it would affect a person, physically and mentally. or would it just be a simple procedure. With me working under a work permit made things even the more difficult and all the more complicated. and another thing, RELIGION -_-"
I felt like everything was crashing down on me. Finally during the end of the 3rd month, we decided to go to the polyclinic nearby to do a thorough checkup. I bet the procedure was the same, checking of the urine, and a simple blood test. after all these (which took about 30 mins) we took our number and soon our number was called. entered the doctor's room and it was officially confirmed that I was pregnant. I still can remember the doctor asking me, "so, what are you going to do?" and I replied, "we're opting for an abortion." but what broke my heart was the look on the doctor's face.
I had become part of the "statistics".
We were then sent to the counselor's office..and there we were talked into keeping the baby, as I was already at 3 1/2 months coming 4 months into my pregnancy. and there she was showing us photos of how big the fetus was inside the tummy and all :'( I cried, seriously. I didn't know what to do. Just to show you guys a bit of what I saw...
1st Month: In the first 8 weeks, the baby, called an embryo, is developing tiny limb buds, which will become arms and legs. Its heart and lungs begin to form. The embryo looks like a tadpole. By the 25th day, the heart begins to beat. The brain and spinal cord begin to form. At the end of the first month, the embryo is about ½ inch long and weighs less than 1 ounce.
2nd Month: The embryo develops into a fetus. Major organs and systems are formed but not completely developed during this month. The placenta is in the early stages. The placenta exchanges nutrients from the mother’s body for waste products produced by the fetus. The ears, wrists, and ankles are formed.Fingers and toes are developed.Eyelids form and grow but are sealed shut.At the end of this month, the fetus begins to look like a person, is about 1 inch long, and weighs less than 1 ounce.
3rd Month: You can hear the fetus’s heart beat with an instrument called a doptone. The fingers and toes have soft nails. The mouth has 20 buds that will become teeth. The body organs continue to mature, and the fetus gains weight. By the end of this month, the fetus is 4 inches long and weighs a little more than 1 ounce.
4th Month:The fetus can hear your voice, move, kick, and swallow. The umbilical cord is growing and thickening to carry nourishment from the mother to the fetus. The umbilical cord can also pass along hazards like alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. The placenta is fully formed at this point. At the end of this month, the fetus is about 6 to 7 inches long and weighs about 5 ounces.
...so basically after seeing all those photos, and hearing all the information. I couldn't take it any longer. I decided to keep it, and since Khalid kept telling me it was up to me. and it was my decision, and he'll just be there to support me. I can proudly say that the decision to keep my baby bubs was mine. and I'm proud of my decision. although things are not easy and times are hard but I do not regret for one single day. the decision to keep her.
When we told our decision to the counsellor, she was so happy, she gave me a name and the number of a Christian doctor to see at Gleneagles Hospital. We went to see him the very next day. he was a kind doctor, and he gave me some vitamins free of charge when he saw how tight we were in the "financial department". and also gave us some advises on what to do..since I was in a "stuck" situation. regarding the work permit.
...and he told me "it" might be a girl. though not too sure yet, but it seemed so. I was happy but at the same time, ah you get it..mixed emotions! ok. not easy to makan and swallow! :(
but now I'm sure that with everything that happened, God was there for me, for us,for baby bubs. leading and guiding us :) I'm truly blessed. and I thank God, I did the right thing. now for the next chapter, telling the parents -_-"
It was a very rash and quick decision, to go work for Fish&Co. Glasshouse, in Singapore and in two weeks time I left, right after I had quit my studies in Swinburne. Well, I found the job interesting and full of surprises. the training was awesome and I had a great time. I had to be trained in the kitchen first before put in the service line so I learnt to do filleting, grilling, frying, make different kinds of sauces and make simply sedap salads with SALMON. my favourite! hehe. it was a good training ground I can say :)
I met Khalid at work. He was working as a part time bartender there. I hadn't met him the first day of my job, as I started working on a Monday and he worked on weekends. so I only met him on that weekend. I didn't talk to him as I didn't know him and all I thought about him the moment I saw him was, hot arrogant stud. hahaha -_-"
First day I "meeting" him was seeing him roughly go in and out of the kitchen, going to take ice cubes for the bar, and that was about it. I met him again at dinner time..and when I just gave a rough glance at him, all I know was that as I walked up to the dining area. he looked at me from top to bottom, and then looked away. It made me feel so uncomfortable. and pissed me off. "stupid arrogant Singaporean guy -_-" haha. that was what I thought.
I only started talking to him after the 2nd week of work, when a colleugue of mine introduced us. andhe introduced himself as Slevin.I was kinda taken aback cos he didn't look like a Slevin to me. haha. anyway I asked my friend for his name and she told me his real name. *I still laugh about it everytime I think back about it, haha* after he got to know me, he would hang around the kitchen a lot! not just in and out taking ice cubes -_-" he would linger around and joke and try to make conversations.
He then proceeded to ask for my number but I didn't give it to him, reason: I didn't know my own number (cos spore number so long ba! took me so long to get use to it -_-") and I told him to just give me his, and I'll miss call him later. (I didn't) haha.
Anyway, the 2nd weekend I was there..while walking the streets of Bugis, I lost my pouch! (which contained most of my important documents like work premit, ezlink - I just topped up, money - I just withdrew, and atm card! thank God no ic or passport inside, if not doomed lor!) I don't know if I either I had dropped it or it got taken without my knowing. I almost cried! I searched the and walked back and forth to where I had been and all but yeah, to no avail.
Well, after that I didn't know who to call or who could help me. so yeah, I called him! haha. (call people when got emergency only -_-" haha) and what surprised me was that:
He told me to take a cab down to the restaurant where we worked and he'll pay for it - bear in mind, my atm card and the money I had was all in the pouch so I was pretty broke - so I did as I was told, and when I reached..he did as he said he would. He then gave me SGD$50 for me to take a cab down to the police station to make my report. and after all that, gave me his atm card and said, "take my card and take whatever you need." I was shocked.
Ofcos I did not take extra, the money he gave me was enough to cover me for a while until after everything..I wasn't a big spender - then. so basically that was how we met, officially. We became good friends and soon, we were dating ^____^v
That's how I met him.
Knowing him was a real blessing to me. I was always alone in Singapore, though I had friends and relatives. He was always there to look out for me. When sick, he would come see me. reminds me of an incident where I was vomiting my guts out! (til vomting water).
I was staying with my aunt then, but though how many times I knocked on my aunty's door, no one opened :'( I then called him and he took a cab all the way from Bukit Panjang (red line) to Holland Village (green line), and that's like expensive wei - middle of the night some more. just to bring me to the doctor. and then sent me home. and tuck me into bed again that night. and the next day stop by just before work with home cook porridge (his mum cook) nice right -_-" tell me how to not fall in love with him lei. hrmm.
♥ I had many more romantic incidents as these.He was the one who helped me find another job with better pay, go room hunting, and walk me back home and all. since I had no one to help me. and my aunt and uncle was too busy with their jobs and their lifes -_-" so yeah. He was always there for me and I thank God he was there for me. I appreciate. and no matter how things change, he'll still have a part of my heart :) *big hugs*
this ends chapter one. will continue again tomoro. kinda tired with panda eyes and a stiff neck -_-" nights all.
I've been meaning to tell this story for a long time. but somehow never got to it. and also because it wasn't the right time to tell the story. People wouldn't know how to digest the whole event that happened to me properly. and also I didn't know how people would react. so I kept things very quiet.
Haha. I'm sure most of you would be eager to know what actually happened to me. How, Where, Who, What and all of those.
Like I said I'm a single mother who's blessed with a beautiful baby girl :) I never expected one to come along so soon, and as usual although my little bubs is a real blessing, but how she came along was not something to be proud of and thus..the secretiveness when things all first happened.
The reason to come out and tell my story is to encourage others as well as explain to certain people who may easily think of me as a liar, and how easily I have lied about the events that have been happening in my life. but at the same time, they do not understand the level of seriousness and privacy the whole matter is about. during that time.
When all this started happening to me. It was a real shocker. I did not tell anyone. It was a kept secret between myself and the baby's father, Khalid. I myself was unable to believe what was happening, whether it was real or just an awful nightmare.
The both of us were in a total state of shock.
I was happy but then again, very ashamed that I was "knocked-up", disappointed, depressed, confused, embarrased, and very VERY self-conscious(about my growing tummy), it was a whole "mixed emotions" no one could explain. no one knew.
NO ONE.
not even my mum or family members. (which later found out only when I was about 4-5months pregnant)
I had even come home for a short holiday to attend my cousin's engagement gathering sometime early december (I was already 4 months ++ then) and I told no one. Everyone thought I had just put on weight. hrmm. I was quiet throughout, even meeting up with friends and then I left for Singapore. after just 3 days being back in Kuching, still quiet.
I only called mum after that, at the end of December to tell her I was pregnant. will tell explain detail later.
Anyway where do we start, before I start spilling all the goods. I think I shall tell my story in chapters. Cos it'll be too long to put the whole story into one whole full post with all the details. I thought I could summarise things but I can't. because it's complicated.
+ + What we did on a hot Friday afternoon! best pictures after nap.
I'm much happier today. Like my previous post said, bestfriend Denise was able to loan me the money to pay my agent fee first and then I pay her back later. Thank God for her! :))
Well it was actually like this. I got my scholarship (Diploma course in Nursing, Nanyang Polytechnic Singapore) through an advertisement in the newspaper. So after I got the scholarship, I was told that I would have to pay an agent fee of RM 2400. I was shocked. I knew we had to pay something but RM 2400 is a rip off..some more scholarship wor -_-"
My parents could afford to pay but not straight away. If it were in installments, it would still be alright but the agent wouldn't let us and even gave us a deadline of 8th April. that's why I was so freaking stressed over the whole situation and with mum still in KL, I didnt know how to handle all this on my own.
..now thinking again, I guess maybe it was a way of God making me a stronger person? a person who would learn to trust Him more. I'm so bad in looking at the bigger picture -_-"
Anyway on a even better not, this afternoon after baby's nap..I thought to myself, to take pictures with baby again since it has been such a long time since we took pictures together :)) so here we are..as cute as ever! haha *so perasan me*
smile smile smile ^__^v aaaaahhhhhhhhh :)))
Looking at my passport - to her, its "read book".
I'm gonna miss her so much when I leave :'( I dunno how I'm gonna handle it! ARGH. Life is so unfair! *sad*
Remember the pictures I said I'll post up as soon as I get them? Well here they are, the pictures from when bestfriend Denise was back for weekend 20.03.09-22.03.09. We didn't take much pictures this time round cos we kinda forgot but then again, we hold the memories in our hearts, and hey! I'm going over to Singapore soon right ^_____^v
20.03.09 (Kiosk @ The Waterfront) We were suppose to head out this night itself to go drinking and club for a bit but everyone turn on us. cos they were somehow busy. Elif's "friend's" lah -___-" annoying. haha. anyway we end up heading to Kiosk @ The Waterfront to just have some drinks.
This looks so wrong..like she gonna kiss my breast -_-"
20.03.09 (Barzing@ Travillion) Haha..photos taken at Barzing. it has been a long time since I got drunk. and this night itself..yeah I got piss drunk. but am able to handle myself slightly much better than before. Gosh, I need to get much better at this..so embarrassing to be spilling your guts out =.=" but overall I had fun.
I even had this one guy (who was so not cute at all) trying to hit on me and Denise. He poured us some drinks but when I took a sip, all I could taste was coke -__-" how lame is that?! Like hello?! oh well..couldn't be bothered anyway.
wee bit tipsy >.<"
p/s: About me having to pay my agent fee and all, Denise was able to loan me the money so now all my hopes and dreams are not crushed anymore, thanks to her!I love you babe. Thanks for opening your heart to help me out. I appreciate it so much! :))
I am tired. Just got back from a day out with pretty Jayne :) I had fun babe. Anyway lets talk about my birthday. What did I do? I dint do nothing. but I dint do anything as well. The earlier half of the day was effed up but the later part was alright.
p/s: It's so nice to be blogging and having to smell a whiff of coffee every now and then - hehe, I have not grind my coffee beans yet. They're right here. next to me :))
Well, I got up quite late like every other day, just about after 12pm..got showered and gave baby her bath. then quickly got the little one and myself ready to go for the photoshoot (which Louis had asked me the day before - for his assignment) with Louis. Jayne was to come too! and Elif was to pick us up. but noooo..as usual, he was busy so we waited. 11pm - 1pm - 3pm -_____-" he finally came with the car but he didn't want to follow.
so I ended up driving the car and Jayne carrying baby!
By the time we got to LKW, it was already 4.30pm and we had only 30mins if we still wanted to carry on with the photoshoot. We hurried to meet Louis and thank God we were still in time *wipes sweat off forehead* well the photoshoot was alright, too bad the timing wasn't and Louis was not able to get as many cute smiley shots as Timothy had. The little one was tired and her surroundings was not as comfortable so she was not at her best. but it still was alright. will post up the pictures when I get them from Louis :))
after the photoshoot, Jayne, the little one and I made our way to Mac ^__^v as we were kinda hungry. I was so broke, I only had like RM10 in my purse! but I was still able to get a Chicken Nugget McValue Set Meal:) so that baby could munch on the french fries. It was all good. I had a really nice time with Jayne, where we discussed,gossiped, bitch (not really lah), talked, and chatted. not to forget keep laughing and smiling cos the little one was being soooooo cute! :)
After Mac's, I sent Jayne home and headed back. I had a small simple dinner with my family and blew out my candles. It wasn't as grand as the last two I had. and I guess the older you get, you don't really look to birthdays any more unless you're surrounded by all loved ones.
I headed out at night around 11pm to pick Jayne up, and since it was so late..we headed to Starbucks @ The Spring to hang out. Ended talking and chatting with the Branch Manager, Khairul! from topics such as pondans to politics to living lifestyle and ways to get more young people to frequent Starbucks. I had fun. haha XD Jayne, we should do it more often.
p/s: I also got myself a free cake since Khairul lost the bet. Wot bet? He thought I was joking about my birthday being on the 1st of April ^__^v ofcos he lost the bet, I showed him my ic (which had such an ugly picture) to him some more! :))
Btw, though Mummy did not come back for my birthday (which was one of the reasons to why I was kinda down) she arranged for me to receive flowers and a birthday cake from a local florist :)) that was sweet of her. I did not receive many presents this year, and I wasn't expecting much. Thanks to Sharon for her lovely star necklace - when you wear black it's yellow, when you wear white, its white -_-" hehe. It really means so much to me. and last but not least to Jayne for the Starbucks treat! haha :) I shall see you tomoro yeah ^___^v
21 years old. heavily 8months pregnant in KK. nervous, anxious, impatient, insecure, easily annoyed. annoying, easily irritable, emotionally unstable and expecting the most unexpected gift I never expected to have.
and today in the same outfit. I turn a year older, a year wiser, a year more experienced, in areas such as relationship, life and most, motherhood. I still cannot believe that I am now a proud mother of the most adorable, cutest, happy, hyper, mischievous 10 month old little sweetheart.
EVERYDAY I AM AWESTRUCK. EVERYDAY.SINGLE.DAY.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking. You are the hope, that keeps me trusting. You are the light to my soul. You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall. You steal my heart, and you take my breath away. Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
-Everything, Lifehouse-
it hasn't been easy. but it certainly hasn't been that hard. it is and will be a life long journey. for me and for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME.
I'm a child of God, I'm in love with him, I love my baby, I'm a friend, I'm a lover, I'm a daughter, I'm a mother, I'm amazing XD
I'm a huge chocolate ice-cream beach fan, I love music, I love art, I love photograpy, I love travelling, I love shopping, I'm crazy,
I'm fun-loving, I'm out-going, I'm working to become who I want to be, financially free by 30 XD
She's my love, She's my life, She's my everything, She's a gift, She's a blessing from heaven.
I love her to bits, every part of me lives and breathes for her. I love you sweet Shiloh Trianna Wong
